“Thread of how I fell in love with a divorced mother of 4 in 2015.
I met Queen for the first time in a bank, she borrowed me her pen.
She didn’t seem attractive to me. She was in her mid 30s. I was in my early 20s.
We shared the exit door of the bank together. That door that took one person at a time, I joined her because I was in a hurry to leave.
She was already halfway to her car when I remembered that I borrowed her pen and went to return it to her.
She was grateful and asked which way I was going. She was driving an SUV. I wasn’t driving that day but I swear I would have left my 190 at the car park and followed her.
I was going to Choba for clearance, she was also doing clearance for her Masters program. I was lucky. We had a lengthy conversation about school and careers.
We arrived, I thanked her and was about to get off. Then she goes “So I brought you all this way and you won’t even ask for my number?”
I was embarrassed and taken by surprised. I politely asked for her number and she smiled and gave it.
I didn’t call or text until after a month when I accidentally added her to a broadcast list and sent her a broadcast.
That broadcast error was a beautiful mistake…
She replied to confirm it was me and asked why I didn’t call all these while. We started talking on WhatsApp. She was divorced with 4 kids, The youngest was about to turn 5.
Her husband had traveled a year after her last child was born to the US for studies and never came back. He married a white woman and they already had a child.
Men are scum.
The eldest was almost 16. She was 36, got married at 19.
Anyway, we continued talking everyday, Whatsapp, BBM, text. She slowly became part of my routine.
She would take me out for lunch, and we would have long talks at night about the most random things. I didn’t know what I was doing. Why I was talking to a woman whose first child was less than 10 years younger than I was.
So one time she was throwing a small party for her last child, and asked me to help with preparations at her place. It was a long Saturday and by evening when the party was over, I stayed back to help clean up.
By 9pm, I was ready to go back home, she was in her room, I knocked on the door several times before opening it and saw her lying down exhausted on the bed.
I informed her I was done and was about to go home.
She got up from the bed and that was when I realized that her blouse was unbuttoned. I could see her bra, I looked away in embarrassment, but she was unbothered. She thanked me and hugged me.
The hug was taking longer than a hug should take and I hugged her back and for like a minute, we just stood there wrapped inside each other.
What the hell was I doing?????
She walked me to my car outside and hugged me again, this time I could see the loneliness and want in her eyes, I could tell she had not been with a man for a long time. Or maybe I was just reading things that weren’t there like an idiot.
She tried to convince me to spend the night on the couch that it was late. I declined with the excuse that I didn’t tell my mother that I would be sleeping out that night.
She texted me when I got home. “I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Thanks for making me feel special. Goodnight”
I didn’t sleep that night. A mother of 4 was in love with me??? It just didn’t stick.
I didn’t know whether I should be excited or worried. But the thought was heartwarming, that I made her happy.
I couldn’t even speak to anyone about it. It was crazy.
I decided to stay away from her and just keep the conversations on phone. The out of sight strategy.
I started reducing the length of the conversations from 40, 50 minutes to 5-10 minutes. Would tell her I had something to do when the conversations were getting too deep and run off
So one Friday night, she asked me where I was and I told her I was preparing to hook up with my guys and we would go to the club. She asked to come along and I declined.
Imagine introducing my Aunty’s age mate to my friends as my what??? I just didn’t want any drama. Our friendship was a secret and I wanted it to remain that way.
I just told her it was a boy’s night. She got upset and told me that I shouldn’t call her again.
I let her be the entire Saturday and Sunday thinking she would call and we would make up. The madam no send me. That was when I realized that I had feelings for her. I missed hearing from her, hearing her voice, her laughter, I missed seeing her notifications pop up on my phone.
I swallowed my pride and called on Monday, she didn’t pick, I tried reaching out the entire day, over 30 times. Each time she didn’t pick made me realize that I was on the brink of losing a woman who loved me. Scary.
Men love a woman more when they realize they could lose her.
I thought of driving to her house on Wednesday evening when she would be at home. I was going mad. I was outside her gate when my phone rang. It was her, I took the call and the sound of her voice paused my heart. Love is an idiot.
“Brian, I miss you so much” was all she said before I started confessing like an idiot that I was sorry and I was in love with her.
She didn’t know I was outside her gate, I parked there and we spoke for an entire hour and it felt so good. My heart was finally at peace.
We dated for 4 months. But with each passing day I knew our relationship was a fantasy. I wasn’t going to be with her forever and that reality hurt her even if she wanted more.
She knew she could never introduce me as her boyfriend to her high society friends and I never told a soul that we were together. We were each other’s secret.
And so one day I gathered the guts to look into her eyes and tell her that I was leaving her. It was painful for both of us but we knew it was going to happen.
In tears, she thanked me for my company and friendship and asked that we don’t remain friends and I respected her wishes.
Sometimes our best relationships are with people we can’t have”.
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