Editorials

Relationship: Develop your own rules…

Relationship: Develop your own rules…

We would all agree that when it comes to issues on relationships, ‘everybody knows but nobody really knows.’ Relationship issues always seem to sprout up the ‘counsellor or coach’ in everyone. Whenever an issue on relationship is raised, everyone has something to say, an advice or caution to give, and a story to tell. Isn’t it amazing? Amazing how a single issue raises up dust, practically turning everyone into an authority in their own rights.
Everywhere we go, and everywhere we turn, we see quotes on love and relationship. We are bombarded with rules: the does and don’ts, and the pros and cons. But they work, you say. Really? Do they? Do they apply to everyone? Do these rules apply at all times?
In law, I was taught that there is always an exception to the general rule. With this in mind I say, never base or judge your relationship on these relationship rules, quotes, and clichés you see frequently. We all are different. Coming from different backgrounds, with different life lessons which had shaped our different perceptions and outlook on life, and consequently, relationships. So, these rules can’t apply to everyone.
What works for x, will not necessarily work for y and z. Nothing, and nobody, is a standard authority on love or relationship. So begin every relationship with an open mind and heart. Explore and find out what works for you in your relationship, don’t venture into one with a big book of rules. Overtime I have realised that, no matter how much you know, or think you know, it is never enough. People change. So what happens to your rules when your friend or spouse changes?
For me, it is a school, in which we are constantly learning, changing, and growing. There is saying on relationship I love, it reads “We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It’s a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.” I guess that says it all.
Now you ask, are you saying that we throw caution to the wind, and accept anything and everything in our relationships, in the name of change? Good or bad, right or wrong? No. I am saying ‘make your own rules.’ Healthy, happy and self-made relationship rules. Never compare your relationship with someone else’s. What works for them ‘may’ not work for you. Ever heard the Mexican saying, “What cures Sancho makes Martha sick.”?
Again, you ask, so do we refrain from reading books on relationship? Is everything out there wrong? Hell, no. Do read. Some of them are great, and are written by amazing authors. Personally, I love any and every book written by Michelle Mckinney Hammond. She’s an awesome writer. And I recommend her books for every woman. Men, too. If you’re interested. So, read, listen, learn, make and apply whatever works for you, and build strong, healthy and happy relationships.


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